How I work
Your attachment pattern is more predictable than it feels from the inside. After a decade and more than 400 clients, I know exactly what I'm looking for. Once we name the pattern, we go straight to the work that changes it. No years of circling. Six weeks, start to finish.
Therapy and coaching
Therapy gives you understanding. That matters, and for a lot of people it's the right place to start. But you can understand your pattern perfectly and still replay it in every relationship. Insight shows you the door. Coaching is how you walk through it.
Most people come to me after years of therapy. They know themselves well. They can name the pattern, map the dynamic, explain the attachment style. What they're ready for is the part that actually moves it. Not more insight. A new response, practised in real life until it holds.
What I draw on
Over more than a decade, I've drawn together the disciplines that create change and shaped them into a single approach, built live around your pattern.
The map of why your nervous system does what it does in love. Informed by the work of Diane Poole Heller.
The language of the mind. We interrupt the pattern where it actually runs, below the level you can talk about.
Making change actually hold, long after the work is done. We find the leverage point where the pattern can finally move.
Taking the emotional charge out of a belief until it stops running the show.
Timeless principles of mind, polarity and cause that put the practical work on deeper ground.
The oldest mirrors we have for human pattern. Story and teaching that make the unconscious legible.
It all comes together as precise, strategic work, shaped around your pattern, that loosens the old beliefs holding it in place and frees you to relate from somewhere new.
Where the change actually happens
The behaviour you want to change is the last link in a chain. We work up the chain, at the level of identity, so the change actually holds when life gets loud.
Who you believe you are sets what you'll tolerate and what you'll reach for. We start here, because everything downstream obeys it.
What you've quietly settled for, and what actually matters to you. We raise the floor on both.
The rules running underneath the pattern. “I'm too much.” “I'll lose myself.” We surface them, test them, and break the ones that aren't true.
We neutralise the charge so an old story can't hijack the present moment the second it fires.
Then we move, in your actual life, with support between sessions. Information was never the point. Changed behaviour is.
The Shift Method
A clear structure with an end point. We identify the pattern, change how it plays out, and reinforce a new way of relating until it holds on its own.
We name the pattern that's been shaping your relationships. You see exactly what sets it off, and the moment it takes the wheel.
We change how the pattern plays out, as it happens. With tools you can reach for the moment it rises, you begin responding from a steadier place, without forcing it.
We practise the new response until it holds on its own. A secure way of relating, until it's simply who you are.
Six weeks, fully supported
Six focused weeks, with a clear beginning and end. We get in, do the work, and get out, so the change holds long after we finish.
One 60-minute private coaching session each week, applying the Shift Method to your relationships.
Direct access to me between sessions, so you're supported all the way through.
Every tool and strategy to support you in the moment you're struggling.
A written summary from our session, with insights, perspectives, homework and tools.
I read every application myself. This is hands-on, high-touch work and only 10% of applications are approved. The investment is covered on the application, and if it's a fit, I'll be in touch to set up a call.
Find your pathStart here
Most people lean one way. Start with the one that sounds like you, and you'll see exactly how we'd work together to change it, and how to apply.
You haven't felt like yourself since them. Behind every anxious response is an avoidant ex or partner.
For anxious attachers who want to feel calm, secure and like themselves again, with them or without them.
See how I help Avoidant attachmentRelationships feel like hard work. Your partner wants more than you can give, and eventually you just want out.
For avoidant attachers who want to stop running the same exhausting pattern and build something that actually feels easy.
See how I helpGood to know
No, and it isn't a replacement for it. Therapy can be excellent, depending on the modality and the therapist. This is coaching. It's precise, strategic, and focused on action. Most people who work with me have already done years of therapy and know their pattern well. What they're ready for is the work that finally shifts it.
Yes. Sessions are held one-to-one over video, so we can work together wherever you are. I coach clients across more than twenty countries this way.
Yes. Six weeks is enough to see the pattern clearly and start responding differently when it shows up. The change comes from working on it as it happens, with support in between.
It's a serious investment, with my direct time and attention for six weeks. I keep it to a handful of people at a time so each person gets proper attention. The investment is covered on the application, and we go through the details on the call.
That's often the best time to do it. The work is about the pattern, not one relationship, so you walk into the next one steady instead of scared.
Pick the pattern that sounds like you above, read how I work with it, and apply from that page. I read every application myself, and if it feels like a fit, we'll have a call.
Start here
Pick the side that sounds like you, see exactly how we'd work together, and apply from there.
Find your path