When you feel anxious · Private coaching

You haven't felt like yourself since them.

Behind every anxious response is an avoidant ex or partner. Maybe you're struggling with them now. Maybe you're shattered after they left. Maybe you're still trying to heal from the abrupt way they discarded you. Either way, you can't reconcile how they could act the way they did with how broken you're left feeling.

They do need to work on themselves. They need to seek support and heal their avoidant tendencies. And still, you hold the keys to every relationship you've ever been in, even when it feels like you don't. Over six weeks, we give your nervous system and your mind the clarity to finally understand their behaviour, and to feel like yourself again, empowered and in control.

Apply for coaching A six week private experience.
Four to six people at a time.

If this is you

Reaching for fruit that keeps pulling away.

In the old Greek myth, Tantalus stands in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree. Every time he bends to drink, the water drains. Every time he reaches for the fruit, the branch bends out of reach.

Loving someone avoidant can feel exactly like this. You can see the potential, you felt it at the start. But the moment you need them, they pull away and leave you devastated. Everything you need somehow stays just out of reach.

The myth of Tantalus

The patterns we change

You've probably had a few of these thoughts.

Mostly unspoken. Running in the background, on a loop.

Will they come back?

How do I get them back?

How do I get them to change?

Why can't I get over them?

How can they move on so fast?

Did they even care about me?

Each one of these questions feeds the anxiety and chips away at your sense of self. Every one is born from fear, and from needs that haven't been met. They run deep.

We answer them, then work from the root.

The pattern

It's a very predictable pattern.

Once you see how it turns, you can see exactly where to step out of it. Most people recognise themselves somewhere on this circle.

The loop

It feeds itself.

Each lap pulls you a little further from yourself.

1
You feel secure
like yourself
2
You meet them
it clicks, fast
3
You fall hard
all the way in
4
They withdraw
a cooler tone, a slower reply
5
The alarm fires
the old fear floods in
6
You act out of character
chase, over-text, seek proof
7
They pull back further
the gap widens
8
You lose yourself
your needs slide off the list
9
“It must be me”
and the next withdrawal hits harder

For some, this has run for years. For others, one avoidant person switched it on. Either way, this isn't who you are. It's an anxious response to someone inconsistent, and a response can be changed.

That's exactly why six weeks is enough.

Why it keeps happening

Loving someone terrified of connection sets off the alarm.

There's nothing more debilitating than loving someone who's terrified of connection. The half-committed avoidant, never quite all in, who won't tell you how they feel, makes you question your reality and your worth. That's the direct impact of a push-pull connection.

Most people come to me wanting to understand the avoidant's behaviour, and to learn how to deal with them. Deep down, they believe the avoidant holds complete control over their happiness and how the relationship goes.

After coaching hundreds of people who felt exactly this, one truth is clear. Somewhere along the way, you lost sight of how much power you actually have in the dynamic. They may have tripped a few old, painful patterns, but you're the one who can change them.

You can be the creator of your relationships. You can shift the dynamic, find closure, build the security, whatever it is you need, all without them.

I've seen it over and over. The lie is that you need them for it. You don't, and I've proven it time and again. You have far more power over how you feel than you give yourself credit for.

If you've already tried everything

You've probably read everything there is to read about this.

Most of the people I work with are self aware and well read. They know the theory, they understand the attachment styles, and they can map out their situation clearly.

You don't need more information. You don't need more reassurance from them. You need to deal with the patterns creating the anxious response inside you. When you change, your relationships change.

This is coaching, not therapy. We dissect the patterns causing your pain, and use everything we've got to change them, quickly.

How we work

You and me, working on the pattern together.

Three stages, six weeks. We identify the pattern running underneath the anxiety, change how it plays out, and reinforce a new way of relating until it holds on its own.

Identify the pattern.

We get clear on the patterns and behaviours running unconsciously underneath the anxiety. What sets it off, the moment it takes the wheel, and what you do next.

Change the pattern.

We use every tool and strategy to change the pattern. When they pull away, you learn to stay steady instead of chasing, by changing the thing firing underneath it.

Reinforce the pattern.

We practise the new response until it's simply who you are. A new, secure way of relating gets cemented, with them or without them.

Six weeks, fully supported

A clear structure, with an end point.

Six focused weeks, with a clear beginning and end. We get in, do the work, and get out, so the change holds long after we finish.

Weekly private sessions

One 60-minute private coaching session each week, applying the Shift Method to your relationships.

Support between sessions

Direct access to me between sessions, for the moments it actually spikes, not just our scheduled hour.

What to do in the moment

The tools and resources to handle it in real time. Communication guides, boundary workbooks, regulation systems and more.

Notes after every call

A written summary from our session, with insights, perspectives, homework and tools.

Every application comes to me directly. This is hands-on, high-touch inner work, and only 10% of applications are approved. The details are on the application, and if it's a fit, we go through everything on a call.

Apply for coaching

What you actually want

To feel calm and supported by someone you love.

More ease and safety. More trust in yourself and your connection. Less chaos, less unpredictability.

What you walk away with

The confidence you used to have, back again.

A clear map for navigating avoidant dynamics.

Security within, and control over your own mood.

New, empowering beliefs around love.

A proven system to heal from any situation or breakup.

What changes

The door's been open the whole time.

The cage represents your own insecurities unconsciously running your relationships. The overworking, overexplaining, the fear that relationships will end at any moment or expecting the worst. Over time these build a psychological prison you live inside.

The door's been open the whole time. Most people just keep putting more tools inside the cage. The work is seeing the cage, knowing where the door is, and courageously walking out of it, on your terms.

The open door

A short story

She thought she just needed her avoidant partner to change.

When Em came to me, she was working so hard to make the connection work. She was reading the books, going to therapy, sending her avoidant partner reels, but no matter what, nothing changed. He just wasn't willing to.

The truth is, she didn't need him to change. She needed to change, to find the security and confidence within to do what was needed from her side.

Within six weeks, we got clear on what was her anxiety and what was the relationship. We worked on the part of her that felt anxious and wanted him to change, built internal security, and gave her the tools to handle her situation.

Six weeks on, she feels secure in herself. She recently messaged me that it's officially their three year anniversary, and three years since we worked together.

She has more control over the dynamic than she ever thought.

In their words

People who were once where you are.

I was hesitant to invest in the six weeks, but it was the best investment I've made. Dean helped me see my own role in my relationships and empowered me to change them.

SRSarah

Dean got to the root of my issues within the first 15 minutes of the first call. His approach is loving and yet direct. I feel like a new person.

HNHannah

I came in wanting to understand my ex. I left understanding myself. Six weeks on, the anxiety that used to run my days just isn't there anymore.

MGMegan

A small, private cohort

I only take four to six people at a time.

This is hands on work, and you get my full attention during and between sessions.

If we work together, you'll have a partner through all of this.

You're still trying to get an inconsistent partner to finally meet you halfway.

They pulled away or ended it, and months on you still can't move on.

You're ready to feel secure and like yourself again, with or without them.

Apply for coaching

Before you apply

Questions people ask.

No. Therapy can be open ended and focused on the past. This is structured coaching with one job: settle the pattern. We get in, do the work over six weeks, and you walk away steadier.

Knowing the label is a start, but insight doesn't switch the feeling off. You can name exactly what you're doing and still lie awake doing it. We work on what's underneath the anxiety, directly, that's what actually changes it.

Not at all. Most people I work with haven't. You don't need to be into self help. You just need to want this part of your life to feel calmer.

Yes. Six weeks is enough to see the pattern clearly and start responding differently when the alarm goes off. The change comes from working on it as it happens, with support in between.

You can message me directly on WhatsApp for the full six weeks. When the anxiety spikes at 2am, you can reach me right then. That's when it helps most.

It's a real investment. You get my direct time and attention for six weeks, one-to-one, plus access between sessions, and I only take a handful of people at once. Most people I work with have already spent more than this on books, courses and years of therapy, and they're still in the same loop. This is built to actually end it. The figure is on the application, and we go through everything on the call.

That's often the best time to do it. The work is about the pattern, not one relationship, so you walk into the next one steady instead of scared, rather than learning it the hard way again.

If you read the pattern above and recognised yourself, that's the sign. Apply, and we'll have a call to see if it's a fit. There's no pressure either way.

You haven't felt like yourself since them.

Reaching for fruit that keeps pulling away.

You've probably had a few of these thoughts.

We answer them, then work from the root.

It's a very predictable pattern.

You feel secure

You meet them

You fall hard

They withdraw

The alarm fires

You act out of character

They pull back further

You lose yourself

“It must be me”