In most areas of my life, I felt like I was doing well. Relationships were the one place I deeply struggled, where I kept experiencing the same pain, the same fear, and the same patterns. Eventually, when I understood what was happening underneath it all, I couldn't unsee it.
Relationships were the one part of my life that never worked. I would get close to someone, and it would end the same painful way, over and over. It created an enormous amount of suffering.
After one last situationship, I found myself feeling like a shell of a human. Everywhere else I was fine. Here, I kept coming undone, and I had no idea why.
So I went looking for a way out of the pain. Countless books. Therapy after therapy. EFT, somatic work, Gestalt, IFS, NARM. NLP and years in personal development. I even went to the depths of Eastern philosophy and sat with monks weekly, for years.
All of it helped. I gathered skills that still serve me today. None of it made relationships actually make sense.
A dear friend saw the state I was in after a brutal breakup and sent me to his mentor. It was this mentor who introduced me to attachment theory.
For the first time in thirty years, my relationships made sense. There was a cause for the pain. A reason for the disappointment. And a map out.
Attachment theory gave me the map. Then I spent years walking it, slowly resolving the pain I'd carried and building the relationship I had always craved.
Without attachment theory, there's no chance I'd be where I am now. Five years into a loving relationship, and enjoying the one part of life that used to bring me nothing but suffering.
Once I climbed out, I kept every tool I'd used to do it. Now I use them to help other people climb out too.
I think my work resonates with so many because it comes from lived experience, not just books. I spent decades getting myself out of a hole and into a place where I could be in a relationship and thrive, and that's not something you can learn on a page.
The pain you're feeling has a cause. It comes from deeply embedded attachment patterns formed when you were a child. Once you bring awareness to them, you can change them — and your relationships will no longer be determined by your past wiring. That, to me, is the most freeing truth there is.
"In our first session he immediately found the root of my relationship problems. So simple, yet direct."
Myra, worked with Dean for 3 months
Start with the one that sounds like you. Each path shows exactly how we'd work together to change it.